I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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