I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
