You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
