Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
