He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
