well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
