i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
