Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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