mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming