The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10