i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?