Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.