Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped