apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
