He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
