It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
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I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
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this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's not a walk of shame if you run