Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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