Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
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