do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
