It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
