I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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