If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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