i permit you to call me
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
