Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
