My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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