So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You can't special order awesome
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Randomize
