Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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