4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
