You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My balls are so social today.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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