just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
