Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
