Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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