DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
