It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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