I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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