1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
