tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize