dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
