have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
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