Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
false alarm. still invincible.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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