That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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