I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
