I'm lost and stupid without you.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
