Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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