You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
