So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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