Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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