i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
