i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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