hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
