I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i think i scared a bird with my dick
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i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
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Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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