Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
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i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
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drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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