She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
