I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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