did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
