it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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