9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
