I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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