She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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