genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
