My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
