FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
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remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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