george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
