I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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