The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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