i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
