If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
